A Personal Reflection on Obedience, Preparation, and Returning to My Calling
Introduction: The Unexpected Pause
When I first began writing for my blog in January 2025, I was filled with excitement, hope, and a deep desire to share my walk with the Lord. I felt ready—at least, that’s what I thought. I posted a few entries, poured out my thoughts, and tried to encourage others with the lessons God had taught me.
But very soon after, I sensed something unsettling in my spirit. Each time I sat down to write, the Holy Spirit gently nudged me, saying, “Not yet.” There was no loud voice, no dramatic sign—just a quiet, persistent conviction that I was not fully ready.
I didn’t understand it at first. I wondered if something was wrong with me. Why would God stop me just when I had finally begun?
With a mixture of confusion and disappointment, I stopped posting. For a moment, I even considered closing the blog altogether. But that thought never sat well with me either. It felt like the Lord was saying, “Wait. Not now, but don’t abandon what I have given you.”
Little did I know that this season of waiting would become one of the most important spiritual lessons of my life.
A Moment of Confirmation at the Retreat
Nearly ten months passed. Life continued, and although I wasn’t posting publicly, I never stopped writing privately. My journals were filled with prayers, struggles, reflections, and moments where I felt God correcting me, guiding me, or comforting me.
Then came the women’s retreat.
I was having lunch with one of the women, just the two of us sharing a quiet conversation over our meal. Then she suddenly looked up and asked, almost casually, “Do you have a blog?”
Without thinking, I immediately replied, “No, I don’t.”
But almost instantly, something in my heart stirred—an uncomfortable tug, a gentle correction from the Holy Spirit. A few seconds later, I corrected my answer, “Actually… yes, I do. But I stopped writing because the Lord asked me to wait.”
She smiled and said, “I thought so. I found your blog when I was searching your name online, and I really liked your writing. You should continue.”
I was stunned. Of all the people I knew, and of all the moments God could have used, He chose this simple conversation. It wasn’t flashy, but it pierced straight into the quiet place where I had been asking God questions for months.
Her words were like a gentle whisper from the Lord:
“I have not forgotten the gift I gave you. I am still working in you. Trust My timing.”
From that moment on, I kept bringing this question back to God:
“Lord, is it time to start writing again?”
Each time I prayed, a small but steady peace began to form in my heart, like dawn slowly rising after a long night.
It wasn’t excitement. It wasn’t pressure. It was peace.
And that peace was His answer.
Understanding Why God Said “Not Yet”
Now that I look back, I finally understand why the Lord told me to wait.
At the beginning of 2025, I wasn’t writing from the right place. Yes, I genuinely wanted to glorify God, but mixed into that desire was something else—something subtle but deeply rooted:
I wanted people to see me.
I wanted to be known.
I wanted to be heard.
Even though I cared about what God thought, I also cared too much about what people would think of me.
I wasn’t writing from a pure heart that simply wanted to reveal God’s goodness. I was also writing to make sure others knew that I existed, that I had something to say, that my life mattered.
God, in His mercy, held me back.
He wasn’t punishing me. He was protecting me—from myself, from pride, from striving, from walking ahead of His timing.
He knew that if I continued writing with that mindset, my words would eventually be shaped by insecurity, comparison, and self-promotion. And those things cannot coexist with a message meant to glorify Him.
The Lord wasn’t just preparing my messages.
He was preparing my heart.
A Season of Quiet, Hidden Work
Though I wasn’t posting publicly, I never stopped writing privately. In fact, I wrote more during those months of silence than I ever did when the blog was active.
God used that hidden season to teach me, shape me, and reveal the true motives of my heart.
During that time, I wrote about:
- how God corrected me in moments of pride
- how He comforted me when I felt unseen
- how He reminded me that my worth comes from Him alone
- how He taught me to release the pressure of pleasing people
- how He showed me that obedience matters more than visibility
There were moments when I was ready to delete the blog entirely. Several times the site provider sent renewal reminders, and each time I thought,
“Maybe I should just cancel it. Maybe this is a sign.”
But each time, the Holy Spirit whispered,
“Wait.”
Not, “Start now.”
Not, “Cancel it.”
Just, “Wait.”
I didn’t know how long the waiting would last. I didn’t know what would happen next. All I knew was that God wasn’t done with this part of my journey.
Realizing the True Purpose of My Writing
As the months passed, the Lord began exposing my heart with such tenderness and clarity.
I wasn’t just not ready to write—
I wasn’t ready to write with the right heart.
I had started writing because I wanted to be seen, because I wanted to prove something, because I wanted to begin somewhere. Those desires were understandable, but they weren’t holy.
God wanted something deeper.
He wanted me to write from a place where:
- His voice mattered more than human praise
- His timing mattered more than my impatience
- His glory mattered more than my visibility
I had to reach a place where writing became obedience, not ambition.
Where sharing became service, not self-promotion.
Where my blog became a testimony to His faithfulness, not my ability to write well.
That kind of shift does not happen overnight.
It happens in the quiet.
It happens in surrender.
It happens when God brings us to the end of ourselves so He can begin again.
When God Finally Said “Yes”
After many months of praying, journaling, and wrestling, I finally sensed a new word from the Lord—not “wait,” but “start again.”
It wasn’t dramatic.
It wasn’t emotional.
It was simply peaceful.
A gentle opening in my spirit, like a door quietly unlocking.
I realized that God wasn’t giving me permission to write for the sake of writing.
He was inviting me to share what He had been doing in the hidden places of my heart.
And this time, I wasn’t writing to be known.
I wasn’t writing to impress anyone.
I wasn’t writing to build a platform.
I was writing because God had given me something to say.
And I wanted to be faithful.
Returning to My Calling With a New Heart
Now that I have begun posting again, I feel a completely different atmosphere around my writing. There is freedom where there used to be pressure. There is joy where there used to be anxiety. There is peace where there used to be striving.
Most of all, there is gratitude.
I am grateful God said no.
I am grateful He made me wait.
I am grateful He loved me too much to let me move ahead with the wrong motives.
This new season is not about making myself known—it’s about making Him known.
I pray that every post becomes a reflection of His grace, His patience, His love, and His faithfulness. Not my perfection, not my success, not my ability—
but His presence in my life.
A Prayer for Those Who Read My Story
My sincere hope is that anyone who reads my blog—whether many people or just a few—will feel encouraged and strengthened in their own walk with God.
Because behind every story I write is this truth:
We are all learning.
We are all growing.
We are all in process.
None of us have a perfect journey, but all of us have a perfect Savior guiding us.
My prayer is that my writing will:
- lift up those who feel discouraged
- encourage those who are waiting on God’s timing
- comfort those who feel unseen
- remind others that God is faithful even in the silent seasons
If my words can help even one person draw closer to Jesus, then that is more than enough for me.
Conclusion: His Timing, Not Mine
Looking back, I see so clearly what I could not understand before:
God wasn’t stopping me—He was preparing me.
The delay wasn’t punishment.
It was protection.
It was grace.
When God says “not yet,” it is never rejection.
It is an invitation to deeper intimacy with Him.
Today, I write with a different heart—
a surrendered heart,
a grateful heart,
a heart that wants only to reflect the beauty of His presence in my life.
And as I continue this Journey, my prayer remains simple:
Lord, let my words honor You.
Let my life reveal You.
And let my story point only to You.