When God Started Showing Me What I Didn’t Want to See
Since the beginning of this year, something has been happening in me that I didn’t expect in this way.
I have been confronted with parts of myself that are not beautiful.
I knew, somehow, that this year would be different. I felt that God was calling me to go deeper with Him. And I understood that if I truly wanted to get closer to the Lord, I could not stay the same. I needed to be sanctified. I needed to become more pure.
At the beginning of the year, I made a decision.
I told God, “Yes.”
Yes, to whatever He wanted to show me.
Yes, even if it would be uncomfortable.
Yes, even if it would hurt.
I asked Him to help me see what was really in my heart. Not what I thought was there, not what I wanted to believe about myself—but what was truly there. I asked Him to remove anything that was not pure, anything that was selfish.
I meant it when I said it.
But I didn’t realize how difficult it would be.
Facing What I Had Ignored
Since then, many situations have come up. Different moments, different interactions, small things sometimes. But each time, something inside me reacted.
At first, I didn’t pay too much attention. Or I thought it was just normal.
But slowly, I started to understand.
God was showing me things I had ignored before.
Things I had sensed, but chose not to face directly.
Things I had pushed aside because it was easier not to look at them.
But this time, it was different.
I could not ignore them anymore.
Seeing Myself Honestly
It is not easy to see yourself as you really are.
Not the person you want to be.
Not the person you think you are.
But the person you are right now.
And what I saw was not what I expected.
I started to realize how self-centered I actually was.
Before, I would have said, “No, I’m not like that.” I thought I cared about others. I thought I was considerate.
But God showed me something deeper.
Whenever a situation did not go the way I expected, something in me would react.
If someone said something I didn’t like, I felt hurt.
If something didn’t go the way I thought it should, I felt uncomfortable.
And my first thought was always that something was wrong with the situation… or with the other person.
I didn’t think to look at myself first.
The Question That Changed Everything
One day, I started thinking about unconditional love.
I say often that God loves me unconditionally. And I believe it. I know He does.
But then a question came to me very clearly:
Do I love like that?
Do I love God unconditionally?
Do I love my family that way?
My friends?
When I answered honestly, I knew the answer.
No.
Because how many times have I been disappointed?
Disappointed by what someone said.
Disappointed by what someone did.
How many times did I feel hurt and react in order to protect myself?
If my love was truly unconditional, would I be so easily disappointed?
That’s when I understood something.
If I am disappointed, it means I was expecting something.
And if I was expecting something, then my love was not unconditional.
Realizing the Truth About My Love
This realization was not easy for me.
It made me sad.
Because I saw that, many times, the way I loved people was connected to what they gave me, how they treated me, or how they made me feel.
Even if I didn’t say it out loud.
Even if I didn’t realize it.
There was something underneath.
And I didn’t know what to do with that.
Looking at God’s Love
When I thought about God, everything became very clear.
God knows me completely.
He sees everything in me. The good and the bad. The things I show and the things I hide.
And still, He loves me.
He doesn’t expect me to be perfect before loving me.
He doesn’t withdraw when I fail.
He doesn’t react the way I do.
He just loves.
And when I saw that, I felt both comforted and broken at the same time.
Because I realized how far my love is from His.
Not Knowing How to Change
I didn’t know where to look.
I didn’t know how to change this in me.
How do you love without expectation?
How do you stop protecting yourself?
How do you love like God?
I knew I couldn’t do it by myself.
Coming Back to God
So I came back to God again.
But this time, with more honesty.
“Lord, this is what is in my heart.
I see it now.
And I don’t want it to stay this way.”
I didn’t try to fix myself.
I just gave it to Him.
I surrendered again.
I told Him, “Take everything that is not from You. Cleanse my heart. Change me. Teach me how to love.”
Letting Him Do the Work
I am starting to understand that this is not something I can fix on my own.
God is the one who has to do the work in me.
He is the one who shows.
He is the one who cleanses.
He is the one who transforms.
My part is to be honest… and to say yes.
Where I Am Now
I am not there yet.
I still see those reactions in me. I still feel those things.
But now, I see them differently.
I don’t ignore them anymore.
I bring them to God.
And little by little, He is working in me.
My Prayer
My prayer now is simple.
“Lord, teach me how to love.”
Not with conditions.
Not with expectations.
Not based on what I receive.
But the way You love.
This Is Only the Beginning
This is not easy.
But I know this is where God wants me.
Because He is not just changing what I do.
He is changing my heart.
And even if it is uncomfortable, I know this is His love.
Because He is showing me these things
not to condemn me…
but to transform me.