A Testimony of Healing, Identity, and the Unexpected Gifts of a Loving Father
A Year of Astonishment and Grace
Lately, I find myself pausing—often with tears, often with awe—because I cannot understand how so many people can love me, appreciate me, and genuinely care about me in the way they do. Their kindness, their affirming words, their unexpected support—it all feels overwhelming at times.
And every time this happens, the Holy Spirit brings me back to one Scripture:
“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.”
—Isaiah 61:7
For the first time in my life, I am truly seeing this Scripture unfold in front of me—not as a distant promise for someone else, but as a personal truth written over my own journey. God has restored me from pain I once hid, from brokenness I once accepted as normal, and from experiences I believed could never be redeemed.
This year, I am tasting the double portion.
This year, I am seeing joy I never believed could be mine.
This year, God has been giving back what I thought was gone forever.
And I am beginning to understand something profound:
My Father has been rewriting my story—piece by piece, moment by moment—because He loves me.
Growing Up Too Fast: A Childhood Cut Short
I grew up in a dysfunctional family, in an environment where fear, lack, instability, and emotional absence were normal. I did not grow up knowing how a child should play, laugh, or feel safe. Instead, I became mature far too early.
I often felt like I was wearing the body of a child but carrying the responsibilities, fears, and emotional weight of an adult.
There were so many ordinary childhood experiences I missed—simple things like going to an amusement park, riding a carousel, eating cotton candy, or laughing freely without the fear.
I did not know how to be carefree.
I did not know how to enjoy something without feeling I needed to earn it.
I did not know how to simply be a child.
My personality was shaped by survival, not joy.
By fear, not trust.
By responsibility, not freedom.
Only years later, walking with the Lord, I realized that these missing pieces were not small details—they were wounds, gaps, unhealed spaces God wanted to restore.
What I didn’t know was that God had plans—beautiful and surprising plans—to redeem even the childhood I thought was long gone.
A Surprising Invitation: God Begins to Restore My Inner Child
Years later, as an adult growing in my career, I had a close friend who absolutely loved Disney. Every Christmas, her family spent a full week at Disney World. She spoke about it with such joy—her childhood memories overflowing with laughter, lights, and magic.
One day, she suggested we go to Disneyland Paris for a weekend.
I immediately laughed.
“I’m too old for that. Disney is for children—not for me.”
I said it jokingly, but deep down, I believed it.
I believed I was too old to enjoy things like that.
I believed fun was for other people—not for someone like me.
But she insisted. For weeks.
Finally, to make her happy, I agreed.
We stayed inside the park for three days and two nights. It wasn’t peak season, so the lines were short. The weather was perfect. The atmosphere felt untouched by worry.
And something unexpected happened.
I laughed.
I laughed like a child—freely, loudly, without control.
I got on ride after ride—sometimes twice.
I felt joy rising from places inside me I thought were dead.
At one point, sitting on a roller coaster, laughing so hard that tears came out of my eyes, I suddenly sensed the Holy Spirit whisper:
“I am giving this back to you.”
In that moment, I understood:
God was restoring the childhood I never had.
He was healing something deep inside me that I didn’t even know needed healing.
He was giving me a gift—a gift of innocence, freedom, and laughter.
That weekend was more than a trip to Disney.
It was a sacred moment of restoration.
It was my Father saying:
“My child, you are never too old for Me to heal what you lost.”
Returning to Places of Pain: God Rewrites My Memories
There were places I never wanted to return to because they held nothing but painful memories.
England was one of them.
I had lived there as a poor foreign student. My years there were lonely, difficult, and marked by deep emotional struggle. I told myself countless times:
“One day, when I leave England, I will never come back. I won’t even look toward that direction.”
And I kept that vow for many years.
But life changed.
I got married.
I had children.
And one day, we thought it would be good for the kids to experience another country and for me to show them the places where I once lived.
When we arrived, something extraordinary happened.
The weather—London’s famously gray sky—was suddenly bright, sunny, warm, and beautiful. People were kind. The city looked different. I felt different.
Walking the streets where I once cried or felt alone, I felt a deep peace instead.
It was as if God Himself had gone ahead of me and prepared the place.
I heard that gentle whisper again:
“I want to give you new memories.”
And He did.
We had a wonderful weekend—filled with joy, good food, laughter, and peace. As we drove back home, I realized:
God replaced my painful memories with new ones—kind ones, joyful ones, healing ones.
Where there was once heaviness, there was now freedom.
Where there was once avoidance, there was now gratitude.
Where there was once shame, there was now restoration.
This was another lesson of His fatherhood.
The Fatherhood of God: A Love That Rebuilds and Restores
Through all these experiences, the Holy Spirit taught me something powerful:
God is not only my Savior.
God is not only my Lord.
God is also my Father.
And a Father delights in giving good gifts to His children.
He sees the broken memories, the empty places, the wounds from our past.
He sees the moments we lost, the joys we never tasted, the childhoods we never fully lived.
And He desires to restore them—not partially, but fully.
Walking with Him, I began to realize:
- He heals my brokenness.
- He replaces old wounds with new joys.
- He rewrites memories with goodness.
- He gives opportunities I never had.
- He brings safe people into my life.
- He surrounds me with trust, friendship, and love.
- He restores what the enemy tried to steal.
He doesn’t just repair my past.
He transforms it.
This is the fatherhood of God:
A God who not only saves us from sin,
but restores the pieces of our lives that were stolen or never given.
A Double Portion: What I See in My Life Today
Isaiah 61 isn’t just a beautiful chapter.
It is my personal testimony.
God promised:
- double portion instead of shame,
- joy instead of disgrace,
- an inheritance instead of loss,
- everlasting joy instead of sorrow.
And today, I see it everywhere:
- In the friendships He gave me.
- In the love I receive from people.
- In new experiences I never imagined.
- In opportunities that feel like gifts.
- In the healing of my identity.
Every good thing I am experiencing now is not an accident.
It is the result of a loving Father who is rewriting my story from beginning to end.
And every time I feel His love through the people around me, I whisper,
“Father, thank You for loving me so deeply.
Thank You for restoring what I thought I had lost forever.”
Receiving Every Gift From My Father
I am learning, slowly but wholeheartedly, to receive everything God wants to give me—not with fear, not with guilt, not with hesitation, but with joy.
Because I now know:
I am deeply loved.
I am fully seen.
I am intentionally restored by my Father.
So if He offers me new memories, I will take them.
If He gives me opportunities I missed as a child, I will embrace them.
If He brings healing where pain once lived, I will welcome it.
I am His precious child.
And I feel His fatherhood every day of my life.
This is my testimony.
This is my restoration.
This is the goodness of my God.