A Personal Reflection on Motherhood, Fear, Grace, and Finding God in Daily Life
I never imagined that my journey as a mother would be so intertwined with my journey of faith. When I look back now, I can see how God used motherhood to draw me closer to Him—not through grand spiritual experiences, but through the quiet, complicated, emotional reality of raising two children while learning what it means to walk with the Lord.
Coming from a non-Christian background, I didn’t grow up learning how to pray, how to depend on God, or how to build a home centered on His presence. Yet something in me longed for a different foundation for my own family—something stable, something eternal, something my children could stand on long after I am no longer beside them.
This writing is not a lesson. It is simply my heart—my story of stumbling, crying, discovering, and learning again—offered honestly and humbly on my Journey.
Before I Became a Mother
Before my children were even born, I already knew I would need God in every part of my life, especially in raising a family. I had seen enough brokenness and instability in my own upbringing to know that I could not build a home alone.
One of the first prayers I ever prayed was for a husband who came from a strong Christian family. I didn’t know much about faith, but I believed that if my future children grew up with a father who had walked with the Lord from childhood, it would give them what I never had—a spiritual inheritance.
God answered that prayer in His quiet, faithful way. My husband came from a solid, loving Christian family, and I felt so reassured knowing I was not doing this alone. But as the years went by, I realized something:
even being married to a Christian man does not automatically make me feel prepared to raise children in faith.
Motherhood has a way of revealing how unprepared we really are.
Holding My Babies for the First Time
The moment each of my children was placed in my arms, a strange mixture of love and fear washed over me. Love, because I had never felt anything so fierce, so instinctive. Fear, because I understood immediately that I had no idea what I was doing.
I whispered to God—almost nervously—“These children belong to You, right? Because I really don’t know how to do this.”
I meant those words.
Even now, all these years later, I remember that feeling of sacred responsibility, and how small I felt in comparison. I had no plan, no formula, no model from my childhood to follow. All I had was God.
And in those early days, that was enough.
The Years of Learning Through Mistakes
I made so many mistakes—more than I can count. Looking back, I sometimes laugh at how naïve I was, then cry at how deeply I wanted to do everything right.
There were nights I felt like a failure. Times I was too strict, times I was too soft, moments I reacted too quickly, and moments I hesitated when I should have acted.
But through every mistake, I ran to the Lord, because I didn’t know what else to do. And He met me—not with judgment, but with gentle correction and grace.
One moment still stands out vividly in my memory.
The Day I Cried in the Car
We had stopped attending a local church for a while, and my children were no longer going to Sunday school. I felt deeply unsettled—like I had lost the compass for our family’s spiritual direction.
One afternoon, driving alone, everything felt heavy. I felt like I was failing my children in the most important area of their lives.
The guilt, the confusion, the fear—it all rose up inside me, and I burst into tears in the car.
“Lord,” I cried, “I don’t know how to guide them. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
It wasn’t a beautiful prayer. It wasn’t calm or strong. It was raw, desperate, and honest.
And in that fragile moment, God spoke to my heart with a clarity I will never forget.
The Words That Changed My Motherhood
As the tears quietly dried, a thought—not from me—rose gently in my spirit:
“Don’t teach your children only from what you hear or learn from others.
Teach them from how you live with Me every day.
Your life with Me is their education.”
I sat there stunned.
It felt like God opened a window in my understanding.
I had been so worried about finding the right church program, the right children’s ministry, the right spiritual environment. Those things matter—but God reminded me of something deeper:
My children needed to see God in my life first.
In my ordinary days.
In my tears, in my decisions, in my joys.
Not just in Sunday routines.
That realization softened something inside me. It relieved a burden I had carried for years.
Faith in Daily Life: Where Children Learn Most
After that day, I stopped obsessing over being the “perfect Christian mother.” Instead, I focused on inviting God into my real life—the messy, imperfect, beautiful daily life.
I realized my children didn’t need a theologian.
They needed a mother who walked with God honestly.
Here’s what that looked like for me, personally.
1. Letting Them See Me Pray
I didn’t make long, elegant prayers. Sometimes they were as simple as:
“Lord, help me.”
“Lord, thank You.”
“Lord, I’m tired—please strengthen me.”
My children saw me pray while cooking, while driving, while folding laundry, while crying. I didn’t hide my conversations with God. I let them be part of the atmosphere of our home.
Prayer stopped being a ritual and became a relationship they could witness.
2. Making Scripture Part of Our Rhythm
We didn’t have perfect family devotion times. Many days were chaotic, rushed, or distracted. But I tried.
We tried to read the Bible together, but it didn’t always work out as I had hoped. Most of the time, I ended up reading alone. Sometimes I would open my Bible with the children nearby, and they would notice, quietly watching me turn the pages. Other times, I would share a verse that had comforted me or guided me through a difficult moment.
Even if our attempts at reading together weren’t perfect, I realized that simply letting them see my own walk with God—my open Bible, my quiet reflection, my sharing of what touched my heart—was teaching them more than structured lessons ever could.
3. Letting Faith Touch Real Life
This part was uncomfortable for me, because it required transparency.
When I was stressed, I asked God for help.
When I made mistakes, I apologized.
When we faced challenges, I told them, “Let’s pray and trust God together.”
They saw me rely on God—not just talk about Him.
And in a way I didn’t expect, these moments taught them more than any Sunday sermon could.
4. Sharing My Testimonies with Them
I didn’t grow up hearing testimonies—stories of God’s faithfulness in real lives. So I made a choice to share mine with my children, even when the stories were vulnerable.
I told them about my difficult childhood.
About the ways God carried me through painful seasons.
About the miracles I experienced.
About the fears I still battle.
Not to burden them, but to show them a living God—
A God who enters our real stories.
When Church Community Was Missing
I wish I could say we always had a stable church community, but we didn’t. There were periods when attending church was difficult for different reasons.
During those seasons, guilt tried to consume me again.
But God gently reminded me:
“Faith begins at home.”
So I tried to create a little spiritual community within our walls:
- worship God by singing to Him every day
- simple, sincere daily communication with God
- short conversations about what God was doing
- tell Bible stories to children instead of having a formal “family Bible time
It was far from perfect. But God used those imperfect efforts in ways I didn’t see until much later.
Learning to Trust God with My Imperfections
One of the hardest lessons in motherhood has been accepting that I will never get everything right.
There were days I lost my patience.
Days I said the wrong thing.
Days I doubted God’s guidance.
And yet, God kept reminding me:
“Your imperfections do not limit My work.”
That truth carried me.
It still carries me.
I learned to apologize to my children, to ask God for forgiveness, to get up and try again. I stopped pretending to be strong and instead showed them what it looks like to rely on God’s strength.
The Day I Realized My Children Were Seeing God Through Me
There was a moment—years later—when I overheard my child talking to God in their bedroom. Their words were simple, honest, and straight from the heart. And in that moment, tears filled my eyes.
I realized then that they were having a real conversation with God—not because of lessons I had taught, but because they had seen me living a daily relationship with Him.
Faith had become theirs—not just mine.
God had become their God—not just the God I told them about.
And I silently thanked the Lord for showing me that my small, imperfect steps had mattered.
Transferring the Truth of God’s Reality
If I had to summarize what I want to give my children, it wouldn’t be perfect behavior or theological knowledge. It would be this simple truth:
God is real.
He is close.
He is present in our daily lives.
And He cares about every detail.
I want them to know Him personally—not just academically.
To walk with Him naturally—not religiously.
To trust Him deeply—not fearfully.
And the only way I know how to give them that is by living it myself.
Looking Back, Looking Forward
As I look back over this long journey—filled with mistakes, tears, prayers, and small victories—I see one thread woven through every season:
God was leading me, even when I felt lost.
He carried my fears.
He guided my decisions.
He comforted my failures.
He strengthened my weaknesses.
He filled my home, even when I felt spiritually empty.
Motherhood didn’t make me perfect.
It made me dependent.
Dependent on a God who knew my children better than I ever could.
And that dependence became the greatest gift I could give them.
Closing Thoughts: My Heart Today
Raising children in the Christian faith was never about having all the answers. It was never about pretending to be holy or strong. It was simply about showing them who God is by walking with Him personally, honestly, imperfectly, and consistently.
I am still learning.
Still growing.
Still praying.
Still surrendering.
But through every season, I know this:
God is faithful.
God is near.
And God Himself is the One raising my children with me.
That truth gives me peace—
a peace I didn’t have at the beginning of this journey
but have learned, slowly and gently, along the way.